Autumn Leaves
by Joie23
Summary: Merit and want are two different things, Steve, Natasha almost says. But some things are better left unspoken and she has always prided herself for not overstepping that specific line. Besides, Steve's much alike her and knowing herself, there's nothing she could say to make his heartbreak easier.


_''It was not my first kiss since 1945. I'm ninety – five, I'm not dead.''_

Natasha, ever the observer, hears hints of protectiveness, affection and hurt in his voice and it sparks even further curiosity. He makes himself an easy target and she almost feels guilty for teasing him. Almost. She has spent the better parts of the last year and a few months in his company and they have learned to be _not_ uncomfortable with each other. Steve is a good person who still struggles with himself and the world and Natasha simply wants to make it easier for him. He is not making it easier for her, though. She knows, perhaps better than anyone, that a little company outside of work can bring great consolation and that's why she insists upon finding Steve a date. Steve, in turn, insist on finding a flaw to each person she mentions. Her gut tells her there is more to his rejections than just not being ready to date. What, though? Steve has proven to be a good secret keeper.

''Nobody special, though?''

He realizes that if he remains silent for even a bit longer than necessary, Nat will never leave it alone. But then he wonders if he should tell her, tell _someone_, the plain truth to answer the question and maybe his breathing will become somewhat lighter. There was someone, in that other life, there was Peggy and he thought what they had was hard but still quite special. Now? He doesn't know anymore. If that life was hard for him, _this_ life is a torture.

''_Steve!_''

''Yeah, who, what?''

''Now you _have _to tell me. Who is she?'' Natasha pressures knowing that Steve would refuse to talk otherwise. ''Or is it a he?''

The smirk on her lips appears even before his face turns from pink to red to pale. While waiting for Steve to finally answer, Natasha realizes her gut was right once again and that there really is far more to the topic than she first thought. This, whatever _this_ is, obviously bothers him and she wonders how she didn't noticed it before. Since he has been found, Natasha knows it to be a fact, Steve has been in a presence of only three women for more than it was needed. Herself, Maria Hill and Autumn Stark. She definitely wasn't his special someone and Hill was married. Stark?

_Stark?!_

''So, you and Autumn Stark, huh?'' Oh, this is going to be fun. ''How long's that been going on?''

''Nothing is _going on_, Nat.'' Steve somberly answers. ''Not anymore.''

Steve met Howard's daughter the same night Fury came to recruit him. It was a strategic move made by the Director to bring him to S.H.I.E.L.D., Steve later realized. It took a few hours, almost as if Fury anticipated it, for Howard's daughter to become just Autumn, Steve's new and maybe only friend. They simply hit it off. Then the Avengers defeated Loki and Steve was back to figuring out how the world works. This time around, though, he was not alone.

''What happened?'' Natasha asks softly. This is serious and contrary to popular belief she knows how to offer empathy and assurance. ''I'm not gonna judge, Steve. That's not my style.''

''She told me she loved me.'' He whispers it as if he's telling something he's not supossed to share. ''And I just began to understand the world and how it's a dangerous place and I'm a dangerous person, too, Nat. She told me she loved me and instead of saying it back, I...''

''You let her go.''

Nothing more and nothing less is what Natasha would have expected of Steve. He's old school through and through and a lady's safety is his first priority. But Autumn Stark is _not_ a damsel in distress. It is what Natasha likes most about the younger woman. And she knows Steve's aware of it, too.

''You let her go. But _why_, Steve?''

To protect her. Autumn Stark has known only sadness for the most of her life and Steve could not be the one responsible for more. He let her go so she could have a chance to be happy.

''She deserves a home in which both sides of the bed are taken every night.''

The last time Steve saw Autumn Stark still burned in the back of his mind. He didn't lie and his reasons were spoken from the heart, she deserved that much. Her reaction was what surprised him the most. All of a sudden, as if in return, he felt like she was letting _him_ go, too. She didn't say a word during that hour, but simply touched his cheek in a way she never did before and kissed him tenderly at departure. Her gesture still kept him awake at night.

''Who I am and what I do, I cannot offer her that stability.''

_Merit and want are two different things, Steve_, Natasha almost says. But some things are better left unspoken and she has always prided herself for not overstepping that specific line. Besides, Steve's much alike her and knowing herself, there's nothing she could say to make his heartbreak easier.

''Wanna know what bothers me?'' Sensing the need to tone down the ruthlessness in the air, Natasha decides it's time to lighten the conversation. ''How in the world are you still alive, Steve?''

''Huh?''

''You turn Iron Man's baby sister and greatest weakness into Mrs. America and Stark doesn't come after you? That doesn't make you suspicious?''

''Like _he_ could take me!'' Steve all but snorts.

''It'd be tight.'' Natasha smirks knowingly. ''One more question and I'll stop being nosy, deal?''

''Shoot!''

''You two kissed, right? Are the Starks really _that_ good or is it all talk?''

''_Nat!_''

Nat laughs and Steve's thankful she managed to ease the conversation even for a little bit. But, as they drive further, he notices the leaves have already started to fall which means Autumn is coming and it makes him wonder if somewhere, wherever she is at the moment, Autumn Stark looks at the proud American flag and thinks of him.

* * *

><p><strong>I watched 'The Winter Soldier' yesterday and that scene in the car reminded me of Autumn Stark, the character I made up for a story at the time 'The Avengers' first screened. I never finished the story, but I quite liked Autumn so I decided to bring her back. I hope it's not too complicated and that everything is somewhat clear. Autumn also makes a small appearance in my story 'As Time Goes By' so you can check that too if you want. This and that story are not related by context, but the characterization remains the same.<strong>

**Any thoughts?**

**Thank you for reading!**


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